Let’s get screwed
I don’t care

It seemed like an appropriate place to start.

The lockdown playlist is a many-splendored thing. Sigh. Who even knew? But then this crisis is everything isn’t it – our health, our livelihoods, our very existence on this planet – so maybe it shouldn’t come as a surprise to find a ready-made soundtrack? And what’s been interesting is how the playlist has evolved as the narrative has unfolded. From the early days, back in March – when we were all feeling frankly terrified – with songs about the virus itself (probably the least tasteful phase – Hot in Herre, Doctor Doctor, Cough Cough, Catch) and the new realities of lockdown (All by Myself, Isolation, Same Old Scene, Ghost Town) and social distancing (Don’t Stand So Close To me, Party Fears Two). Coupled with coming to terms with this idea of a global meltdown…what was even happening? (It’s the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine), Mad World, It’s Over). Moving to the NHS with the lack of PPE (No Scrubs, Cover Me) and the Clap for Carers (Applause, She Bangs the Drums). Then, the prospect of millions of people losing their jobs (Shutdown, One in Ten. If there is a song out there about being furloughed I need to know! Money for Nothing???)

It was all pretty serious and felt crass at times. But there were sweeter moments…the unexpected arrival of a certain online platform in all of our lives (Zoom, Who’s Zoomin’ Who? – that’s it, right??) and issues with not being able to go to a hairdresser (Cut Your Hair, anything by The Roots…). Boredom songs (I’m Bored, Time (Clock of the Heart)). Reading songs (Wuthering Heights). Drinking songs (Red Red Wine). Relationship songs (D.I.V.O.R.C.E). And now it’s June and we’re moving into a new coming-out-of-lockdown phase (Parklife, Back to Work, Emerge, Shopping). No doubt there are plenty more surprising places this epic playlist will take us, but I’m pretty sure it won’t get more random than the hands down most unexpected entry of the entire list. In with a bang, May 2020, Roger Whittaker with Old Durham Town. Did not see that one coming (there’s a vision joke in there somewhere?).

And so to my first choice for a lockdown bop…Screwed by the goddess Janelle. Double lockdown interpretation. Perhaps we are all screwed – has it ever felt more like it? And, on a cheerier note, maybe some of us have been having more fun time with our partners whilst shut in a house together 24/7? (Btw, you can give yourself a gold star if song title, lyrical content and artist name all fall into lockdown territory, as in Red Red Wine by UB40. Good luck!). This routine is pretty simple. Barely moves off the spot. First one I did so probably the best. Enjoy.

Watch on YouTube here

Disclaimer: These are not virtuoso performances. Just me, in an attic, grappling with an iPhone, creaky floorboards and a bad haircut. The sound is a bit ropey and the elements make numerous uninvited appearances! No left or right instructions – do whatever feels most natural to you…mirror me or flip it and use the same arms and legs as I do. Dancers’ choice. The routines are as simple or as complex as want them to be…and remember, repetition is key. Happy dancing!
This track is sweary! Children, close your ears.

For Chris. Devil’s avocado
For Michal. THE DRAMA!

Up next: Bedsitter. Soft Cell…